As anyone tuned into the political landscape will know, Brexit has absolutely dominated the news over the past year. It seems that as of late, all we’ve seen is headline after headline giving updates on political discourse and deal negotiations.
While this is all well and good, no intriguing article or fascinating debate will bring my pet lizard Eddie back to life. Unfortunately, that is a bell that cannot be un-rung. And I will not rest until it is acknowledged that Brexit is guilty of the killing- nay murdering of my poor innocent pet lizard.
Here is how Brexit caused my pet lizard to die.
I got Eddie just over 4 years ago and to be frank, he was my best friend. He was the best lizard I could ever have asked for and we did EVERYTHING together.
I’m talking picnics.
I’m talking kite flying.
I’m even talking laser tag.
We truly were living our best lives together. But all this changed when … Brexit happened.
Now I’m sure many people may be reading this pressuming that of course Eddie’s untimely death happening during the height of Brexit drama was a coincidence. However, I can assure you that that is not the case.
Brexit murdered my pet lizard and there is no other about it.
Now I’m not ashamed to say that I’m quite the politics buff. I pride myself on being up to date with all the latest current affairs news so when Brexit was announced, needless to say I was intrigued.
Seeing the events that were transpiring in parliament along with the drama surrounding Borris Johnson, Theresa May and the likes, it’s safe to say I was hooked!
My day to day had involved waking up and casually checking the latest Brexit news before spending the day gallivanting with Eddie. Sometimes we would head to the local casino, or maybe even hit the beach to see if we couldn’t woo a few chicks! In the evening, we would often sit in front of the TV and watch anything from a lizard documentary to the animated film Rango starring Johnny Depp.
However, as Brexit continued to become more and more dramatic, my interest began to build in the topic. I became more intrigued by the developments and curious to see how it might be resolved. I found myself frequently refreshing the Newstalk website to find out about all the latest updates. I would engage in friendly discussions with coworkers about the state of affairs at the time. It’s safe to say I prided myself on being the most educated in the room.
As the months went by, I maintained my interest, reading the papers and keeping an eye on the parliamentary proceedings as any informed citizen would. Seeing how Brexit was evolving was extremely captivating to me and I found great satisfaction in keeping up to date.
However, one morning I woke up to find that Eddie had died. I was absolutely shocked. I’m not going to lie to you. I had completely forgot to feed him for literally like 6 months.
And there it was was, Brexit’s first victim. Is it fair that my poor lizard had to lose his life because Britain decided to leave the EU? I think not!
While Borris Johnson may be relaxing in his ivory tower, my poor innocent Eddie is dead.
Why? Why else but because of pure corporate greed.
I still weep to think of the long life that Eddie could have lived to see if only Brexit had not murdered him. As an innocent bystander, I am furious and I demand justice.
Curse you Brexit. Curse you I say. My lawyers will be in touch.
Ross McCarney 